10 True Stories of Epic Thanksgiving Fails

That Time the Dish Wasn’t Chef-Approved

“I was invited to a friend’s house and was told I didn’t need to make anything, but I decided to make a pan of cheesy potatoes made with basic processed Velveeta cheese. When I arrived, I forgot that her husband was a chef of a high-end Michelin-starred restaurant. All the guests were his chef friends, and the spread was gourmet. She laughed when she saw my potatoes and replied, ‘We’ll give this to the kids.'” —Kestelle W.

That Time the Turkey Was Done Way Too Early

“Last year, I couldn’t find my grandma’s turkey recipe card and looked up how long and hot to cook a turkey online. The internet lied. My turkey was ready about three hours before people were even scheduled to arrive! I called my grandma in a panic and she diagnosed me like Dr. House, asking all these diagnostic cooking questions: How long did you have it in for? What temperature was it at? How big is the turkey? What color is the skin now? What are you basting it with? She talked me down and we rigged a tin foil moisture response system to keep it warm. Luckily, it turned out great!” —Kelsey D.

That Time the Tofurky Didn’t Work Out

“One of my first vegetarian Thanksgivings, we attempted to make our own version of Tofurky. With our limited knowledge of tofu and my parent’s commitment to meat-eating, we ended up with a football-shaped tofu dome filled with stuffing. The tofu was the color of carpet… and it smelled OK, but the texture was awful. I learned my lesson: Rather than attempt a sad Tofurky, I just make traditionally prepared tofu and plant-based dishes — and don’t miss the turkey a bit.” —Ellie H.

That Time Someone Wore a Clown Suit

“When I was in fourth grade, my best friend and I were in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. We were on a float with Monica (‘The Boy Is Mine’ singer), dressed up in clown costumes. It effing poured and I lost my autograph, but how many people can say they wore a clown suit next to a ’90s pop star on Thanksgiving? Hopefully not that many, that’s for damn sure.” —Michelle M.

That Time Grown-ups Had to Eat At the Kids’ Table

“My mother-in-law made me and my husband [then fiancé] sit at a kids’ table with actual children whom we didn’t know… while my parents sat at the adults’ table with other strangers whom they didn’t know.” —Andrea N.

That Time Someone Dropped the Turkey

“I dropped the turkey after rubbing olive oil all over it. I rinsed it off, rubbed [the oil] on again, and cooked it. Didn’t tell anybody for 10 years… I just told them last year. Oh well, it didn’t kill anybody or make them sick!” —Debbie K. 

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